Every few days, I read this book together with a friend in Snail. I finished reading the whole book last night and habitually opened Snail today. I saw that I had made many comments during the process of reading the book, including good ways to handle things and sentences that serve as warnings...
I excerpted them and gave them to myself, and also to all of you.
| Preface: Discovering the Practice of Advantages
- In this age of information overload, we no longer listen to our own feelings, but are easily inclined to follow the choices of the majority unconsciously.
| Ch.ONE Connecting with Others Always Starts with Oneself
- When interpersonal relationships are not going well, or when the originally cherished bond is about to fall apart, most of the reasons are due to one party's lack of willingness to love.
- Therefore, I will not wait, and always try to open my heart as much as possible. I immediately express the feeling of "nice to meet you" and honestly try to convey the message of "liking you very much" to the other person.
- Not giving a clear answer of "YES" or "NO" is making the other person wait. Even if it's just a child's invitation, you shouldn't let the other person wait in vain.
- "Messy hair is cute." It is very difficult for others to imagine such kindness. It is even more impossible after becoming an adult.
- No matter how the other person looks at me with colored glasses, I adhere to my consistent attitude. I believe this is the best way to interact with others.
- "I want to be friends with this person." In order to be chosen, I actively open my heart. "I want to work with this person." In order to be chosen, I strive to improve myself.
- Words of advice often point out the weaknesses or shortcomings of the other person. Even if you say it with a smile and in a gentle manner, the one being reminded will still feel hurt.
- In the journey of life, regardless of age, our positions are the same.
- Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back. This past experience made me deeply understand the terrible power of language.
- Some time ago, I saw a friend feeling down, so I asked him why. The answer was because his father was critically ill with cancer. "There's no hope." my friend murmured. In order to encourage him, I said, "The pain of losing a loved one is a process that everyone must go through. You have to hang in there."
- When angry, count to ten before speaking.
- Be cautious and stop. Even seemingly insignificant words should be counted to ten before speaking.
But many times, I still want to say what I want to say, even if it may have some negative meanings that I can't perceive. But if I don't have such thoughts, I believe many people won't mind.
- When sending something to someone, write a few words to accompany it.
It's a warm and effective gesture, and it increases the likability.
- Saying "thank you" the next day is a great way to deepen and prolong the relationship.
- Immediately understanding the other person's difficulties without pressing them is a form of consideration.
In my first year of high school, the person behind me told me not to beg for things that don't belong to me. I haven't forgotten...
- Even if the answer is "NO," whether it's the one who speaks or the one who is rejected, let this matter pass. This is the ultimate goal of being good at rejection.
| Ch.THREE When Things Don't Go Well, the Courage to Turn Back is Important
- It is important to verbalize one's emotions. Especially negative emotions in the heart, once spoken, those unpleasant feelings will dissipate.
- If you can't accept a child's opinion about the sofa this time, you should say "NO" on this point, but you must not deny their preference for stripes.
- The power of eye contact is stronger than words. So when talking to others, it's best to pay attention to their eye contact.
- If you can't treat it gently all the time, it's better not to do anything from the beginning.
Wow, that's so true!
- Using weaknesses as weapons in interpersonal relationships, to put it harshly, I think it's a tactic of despicable people. For example, if a woman makes a mistake at work and says, "I'm a woman, I'm weaker, please forgive me," this is using weakness as a weapon.
- "Sorry, I have depression, please don't speak too directly."
Sorry, I tend to speak directly, please don't take it too seriously~
- It's not always about moving forward blindly to avoid getting lost. Occasionally, muster the courage to turn back. Don't be afraid, don't abandon the map, it's also good to walk the same path again.
Ah, I should reflect on this.
| Ch.FOUR Deepen Relationships, Guard with Patience
- Every relationship is different, there is no standard answer. Boldly rush into this relationship and immerse yourself in it.
- Learning to spend time with others is an essential skill in interpersonal relationships.
- However, if we measure it with a more precise value scale, even if the child lies about two points, it may not be considered correct, no matter how legitimate the reason is.
The viewpoint is unique. In fact, every parent is a first-time parent, so it's necessary to learn how to be a parent!
- What you can do for the other person is to be their friend, their family, their lover, no matter what happens to them. At certain moments and occasions, it is the ultimate expression of love and willingness.
[2018.10.23]